Not in a million years . . .

Originally posted on February 13, 2008
 
Not in a million years . . .
Did I think I would still be here in 2008.

Another year and a another Birthday has come and gone.
Although, the party's been lasting for 3 days now with the many visits, calls, emails, cards, well wishes and celebratory meals out.

My Birthday is always a time for reflection and thankfulness, that yes, I've seen another pass by.
My friends don't share my glee when their Birthdays roll around. They whine and complain that each coming Birthday is a descent into the abyss of old age hell. I'll take 'old age hell'.

I'm truly thankful for each year and smile as I once again defy medical predictions. I'd love to go back to the Internist's office I visited almost 27 years ago and look him in the eye once more, just to tell him how wrong he was.

After a multitude of tests and head scratching, every test came back fine. As a last resort, a sweat test was ordered, just for elimination purposes of course. In the docs thinking, no one is 25 and dx with CF, no one. Me, didn't have a clue they were checking for CF, it was just one more test I had to sit through. I remember thinking as they attached the pad to my arm, WTF - this seems so stupid. How is this little bit of sweat on this little pad going to tell the docs anything?!?

Little did I know, it told plenty, more than I ever bargained for. That day in Oct. 1981, changed my life as I knew it, forever.

I got a call a couple days later that all the test results were in and could I please come down to the office for a consultation. I will never, ever forget sitting in the doc's office, by myself, studying the pictures on his office wall, waiting for him to come through the door. I remember thinking how irritated I was, waiting so long for him when I had a babysitter watching my 2 babies at home. Come on, just give some pills for whatever is wrong and send me on my way. I really don't have time for this. I've sat in way too many doc waiting rooms in my life and literally had no patience for them.

Turn back the clock and here's the conversation from that day.

Looking me in the eye Doc:
Well, we finally know what is wrong with you.
You have an genetic, children's disease called Cystic Fibrosis.

Naive Me:
OK, I've heard the term, so what exactly is it? (Mostly, confused and thinking children's?)

Doc:
It affects the lungs and upper respiratory systems and interrupts digestion.

Light bulb moment Me:
Ah, so that probably explains why I've had so many sinus surgeries, allergies and chronic brochitis my whole life?

Shuffling and looking at his papers, Blunt Doc:
Probably, but CF is more complicated.
It's considered a progressive, fatal disease.
Life expectancy is 14 years, you've far outlived your predicted lifespan and you should have died already.
At best, you probably have about a year to live.

Looooooooong silence.

Deer in the headlights Me:
HUH?!?! I don't understand. How could that be, explain it to me.

Here's the part that gets very fuzzy and I don't remember much.
My hearing and comprehension were not functioning at this point.
Good God, I've just been told I'm going to DIE from an insignificant, friggin sweaty patch.

Speaking in BS medical terms, matter-of-factly, cold doc:
Blah, Blah, Blah, in a nutshell, explaining how CF will kill me.
Right now, there is nothing I can do for you.
I suggest you find a GOOD pulmonologist, MAYBE he can give you more answers.
(He shoves a card toward me).
Call this guy, he's in the building across the street.

Stunned, shocked, upset, alone, VERY ANGRY, crying Me, left his office trying to digest what I have just been told.
I can't be dying.
I'm not that sick.
I have a 6 mo old baby and a 21 mo old toddler.
This is NOT happening.
It's a lie and the doc doesn't know squat.
This is crap.
The doc was an A-hole for lying and upsetting me.
I'm going to see another doc who knows his stuff and tell me that is was all a big mistake and tell me something different.
(Sigh, yeah I know, denial at it's finest.)

I drove home, called my Husband at the time, told him - called my family, told them. Nobody believed the dx. I found out about CF foundation, contacted a recommended clinic for a second opinion, and it was confirmed with 2 more sweat tests. They assured me, that yes, they could help me and I'd be just fine. Their patients included a handful of adults in clinic that were flourishing. A handful eh? Well, I'm ready to be counted into that handful. Let's do it. And just like that, my old life disappeared and my new life began.

I walked into that clinic 27 years ago.
I still go to that same clinic.
Even though the address and the many caring faces have changed over the years, one of my docs from the very beginning is still there.
We grew up and old together.
I owe my life to everyone at clinic for believing in me and carrying through with exactly what they said they would do - keep me alive and flourishing.

I'm off to go flourish some more, indulging in another Birthday lunch!