CF is selfish

This was originally posted on August 7th 2007, on my other CF blog/forum where I don't post anymore.

*Jumping up on my soapbox, talking sternly & loudly and frustrated*

CF is selfish . . . because it thrives on medical routine.
That same routine consumes me from my normal non CF life.
And yet ironically, by faithfully doing same routine, it gives me more life in return.

By 9:00 am this morning I had already given myself 2 shots, 2 different IV's, took a handful of pills, 3 breathing treatments accompanied by Mr. Vest, and 10 minutes of Miss Acapella. Then repeat, repeat, repeat over the course of a day, every day. I switch to auto pilot and breathe, vibrate, dose, and poke. It gets tiresome, it gets old.

There are times I want to be rebellious, chuck it all and live one full day without one single medical device, drug or thought of CF. I would be heaven to have one CF-less day. I do remember having those days many moons ago before dx.

CF is selfish . . . because it takes over every room in my house.
I would love to have my closet space back. Boxes of home health products, drugs, vitamins & supplements, device instruction manuals and boxes. My fridge overflows with meds, waiting to be used. My kitchen cabinets and drawers house diabetes supplies, nebulizers both clean and dirty waiting to be cleaned and sterilized.

My computer desk shares space with my nebulizer, vest, acapella, and various odds and ends I use for treatments.

My bedroom, surprisingly, remains a CF free zone. Other than hearing my coughs every night.

CF is selfish . . . (and greedy) because it drains us financially.
It craves expensive drugs, equipment, doctor appts, procedures, home care, and outrageous costly hospitalizations. I don't even want to think about how much it has cleaned mine, my parents and my insurance pockets in 51 years.

But mostly,
CF is selfish . . . because it steals my time.
Time, precious time, I could be spending with my loved ones.
Time I could be working a real job again being productive and fruitful.
Time my mind dwells on my CF and could be better spent thinking of other things.
Time to physically being active, really active, like running, or skiing again.

Yes, CF is selfish, indeed.
Whew, got that off my chest, again for the umpteenth time.

*Quietly steps back down off my soapbox.*