The Whirlybird Epiphany

One week of IVs under my belt and I'm feeling much better. Both my lungs and sinuses have cleared of most of the infection. Although, the CT scan revealed that my sinuses are still a mess. Tomorrow I'm having sinus surgery to clean out all the infected gunk that clogs my breathing. The Transplant team wants it done now, so I'm good to go if the call comes. I'll be starting September with a clean slate. :)

And then . . .

It came out of nowhere. 

The chop, chop, chop sounds grew closer and louder. 

As I sat in my 6th floor hospital room, the sound is deafening as the helicopter lands just 2 floors above me. There is only one reason a chopper lands on the USCUH roof . . . transplant. Weather it be kidney, liver, heart, lungs, whatever organ needs to be transplanted, the precious cargo is often helicoptered to the hospital. 

And again, it came out of nowhere, the flood of emotions I felt as I heard that chopper land. I sat upright . . . listening, tears welling up in my eyes. A weird, surreal feeling of terrifying urgency, nervous excitement and sadness overcame me. Someone had just lost their life, yet someone else is getting a second chance at life. All because of the most awesome, priceless gift of organ donation. 

Little did I know, the mere sound of that helicopter could open up all those barebone raw, insecure thoughts and feelings of being listed. Scared, unknown, no it's not time yet, what if, and on and on. I thought I had completely worked through every thought in my head. Clearly, I have more work to do. Then I think, do I ever come to the absolute place of acceptance, that this is how it is?? I don't know. 

I do know this . . . someone in this hospital got 'THE' call of life. 

Someday, that someone, will be me.

Casa USC

Well, it's been 3 months since I've stared at 4 walls and the clock at USC. The good news, they have remodeled our floor since I was in last. New paint, floors, bathroom fixtures, flat screen tvs with a real remote, and new visitor chairs. So now I have 'new' stuff to study for 2 weeks. :) Yes, it is THAT boring. Thank God for wireless internet or I would go stir crazy. Plus, I sneak out of my room to sit outside by a large fountain, shade trees to relax and soak up some fresh air and sunshine. It is the highlight of my day.

I just haven't felt good for over a month now, slowly getting worse. At my clinic appt. last Monday, Dr. R said if I wasn't better by mid week, to plan an admit for Monday. It's all prearranged, I just need to wait for a call from the hospital tomorrow letting me know what time my room will be ready.

My sinuses have progressively gotten more clogged and infected in the last six months. My last surgery was 2 years ago, and it made a huge difference. Since Dr. R is admitting me, he wants me to have an ENT consult and CT to see if I may need sinus surgery again. It will be my 7th, ugh. He also wants my sinuses in good shape going into transplant. With all the problems I've been having, I suspect I will  have surgery scheduled while in house. More CF fun!!!!

One thing I am looking forward to, I'll have plenty of time to work on my family tree, so for that alone, it will make my stay tolerable. My ancestors dating from the 1600s will keep me company. : )

Officially Official

Yep, yesterday was the day.

8-9-10 . . .  a memorable day and easy to remember.

I had my CF clinic visit and had a great clinical visit and heart to heart talk with Dr. R. He is not only a great Doc but a caring, communicative, 'hearing' doc. He listens to what I have to say, understands, and takes what I have to say to heart.

He understands my point of view concerning transplant. My feelings of timing and the question if the time is right for me. He knows my hesitant thinking, being always told I was such a healthy CFer. It's been drilled into me, since day one of diagnoses, that I was different, healthier, and well, indestructible, (so I thought, he he). 

Dr. R is great at explaining from a clinical point of view, from a doc's eyes, how fragile and precarious, the state of my lungs are in. He looked at me, saying, "I don't want you to miss your opportunity to list. If you wait too long and your health takes a turn for the worse, you could slip out of the prime window of listing." He said since my left lung is virtually non functioning, I have no reserves if my right lung decides to go south. In other words, I'm a ticking time bomb.

I've told Dr. R  I'm a realistic, tell it to me straight person. I want no sugar coating or beating around the bush. My mind wants to know what is at hand, turn the situation over every which way I can, analyze and re analyze, and come to a conclusion, of what is right for me. Then and only then, can I come to terms and face whole heartedly what I need to face.

I'm there. 

I need a lung transplant. 

I embrace it. 

I'm ready.

After a surreal couple months of evaluation testing, doc visits and mostly my mind analyzing, the time is here and now. I'm on board 1000% and optimistic that the outcome will be great.

As of 8-9-10, I'm officially listed for a double lung transplant. 

Let the waiting begin.